So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
