The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
