This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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