We should be called the Road Head Warriors
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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