you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
