it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
