I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
