The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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