I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize