I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
