We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
