im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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