We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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