im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
