She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize