I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
