How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
