those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
