we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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