she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
