Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
