It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
