Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
