he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
