it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
