i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
