I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
