Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
