Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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