Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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