Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
