I didn't shave. On purpose
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize