Im at strip club and am horny
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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