Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
