Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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