dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
