I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
