I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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