Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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