I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
