Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i think i just lost a toe
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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