worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
