i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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