turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
