Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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