I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think people are normalizing furries
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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