distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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