Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
