just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
