What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize