I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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