so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
