So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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