dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
