as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
