I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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