dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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