now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
