She just used a chaser for red wine.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
