This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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