Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
