Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
