Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
