Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
