How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize