Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
