I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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