I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Me. At least after what I've been through.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
