The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
