I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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