I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
